just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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