I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
