he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
