They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize