i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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