so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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