You were right. It hurts to walk today.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
