Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
