Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
