i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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