yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
