on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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