Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
