He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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