I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
