we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
