What did we do last night that was yellow?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
