I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
