if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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