then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
