I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
