It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
