just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
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We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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