believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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