Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
