the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
