I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
