wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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