i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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