We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
