apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
