She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
