I like my sex mixed with concussions.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
