I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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