pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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