I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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