yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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