I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
