So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
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Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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