she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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