he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
