its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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