Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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