Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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