happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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