.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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