i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
