i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
