what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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