Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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