gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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