The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize