You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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