Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i already hear my dad disowning me
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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