My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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