A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
