If i could tip my vagina, i would.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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