I'm lost and stupid without you.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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