P.S. I can't hear my feet
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's blow job season.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
