shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
accomplished twins. life is a go
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
