It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
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spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
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The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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