i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I currently don't understand fingers.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
