So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
